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Looking for silver linings in the pandemic? Photographer and author Dorothy Littell Greco believes we can mine helpful marriage lessons from the disruptions of the past two years.  

“COVID made it impossible to ignore or dismiss the fact that we are all limited people and that we don’t have much control over the world, even though we like to think that–or live like we do,” says the author of Marriage in the Middle and Making Marriage Beautiful. 

In today’s podcast, Greco reminds us that while we may not control the world, we can control our reactions to it.  

“I think we all need to be asking: are we moving towards becoming more kind, more generous, and more empathetic–especially to our spouse–or do we tend to go in the opposite direction? Do we become more controlling, more irritable, more impatient, and more distant?” 

These past two years have also shown us that feeling broken is normal. And so is asking for help. 

“When we get to that space and we can ask for help rather than give up, or blame the other person, or look outside the marriage for what we need, that’s a game changer, right? That’s a sign of maturity and strength. It’s not a sign of failure.” 

Many of us are battling discouragement, or the loss of a job or someone we loved. So another lesson is that over the course of the pandemic our vulnerabilities and strengths may have changed.    

“What we need from each other as spouses today probably is very different from what we needed three years ago,” she points out.  

“In the middle of these kind of major shifts, it’s wise to ask our spouse directly something along the lines of, ‘What do you need from me in this season?’” 

Greco’s final lesson from the pandemic echoes something our mothers taught us: it’s always good to say “thank you.”  

“When we look for things to be grateful about, we’ll find them,” she says. “And ‘thank you’ is just such a powerful phrase that helps us not feel like we’re being overlooked or taken for granted. And it can really, I think, help us to connect with each other and just feel more positive regard for each other.”  

Listen to our 15-minute conversation, and then learn more about Dorothy Littell Greco, her writing, and her photography here.